personal stuff – randomness

To the guys who made fun of me at the gym today

Today I was in the gym, minding my own busines, when I glanced in the mirror and noticed 2 guys pointing at me and laughing. I was wearing headphones and decided to turn off my iPod but keep my headphones on so that I could find out what they were saying. The conversation went something like this:

“I can’t believe this. Leggings for fat people should be like illegal or something, that looks disgusting.”

“yeah man, and while they’re at it they shouldn’t allow ugly people in the gym either.”

So charming, right? Here’s an open letter to the guys who made fun of me at the gym today.

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Dear guys,

I was feeling pretty awesome until I overheard you. And now I’m just really sad.

Sad that you lack the intellectual capacity to realize that mirrors don’t just exist so that you can admire your biceps, but that other people can see you in it too. Sad that you have the emotional width of a teaspoon. Sad that you feel so bad about yourself that you think you need to trash others just so that you can feel slightly better about yourself. Sad for your mothers, who probably think they have raised kind and decent young men. If only they knew. Sad for the girls that will once love you and the daughters you may once raise.

I do not feel sad for myself though, because, well, I’m a pretty great person.

Dear guys, I hope you realize your laughing will have absolutely zero fucking impact on my decision to wear whatever I want. This is what I feel comfortable in, so this is what I will wear. What I look like during a workout is none of your business. So next time the sight of my leggingcovered butt offends you, I suggest you take your opinion, put a nice bow on it, shove it right back where it came from and choke on it.

 

I hope one day you will learn to see the value of people by the size of their heart – not by the size of their ass in a pair of leggings.

Love,

me

What it’s like to be the big girl at the gym

Today I want to talk to you guys about my experiences as the fat girl at the gym. I’ve been exercising my whole life, and for the past few years I’ve been running and going to the gym. I’ve noticed a lot of fuller girls are hesitant to hit the gym, saying they could never do it, and when I asked them why it became clear to me that it’s a combination of fear of hitting physical limitations and a fear of being laughed at by fit people.

You know those fears we have sometimes that turn out to be completely untrue and that exist only in our minds but not in real life? Well, this isn’t one of them. Being the fat chick at the gym is not always easy or pleasant.

First off, there is a disgusting amount of fatshaming going on within the fitnesscommunity. I follow several fitnesspages, looking for daily inspiration, and encounter offensive stuff aimed towards fat people on a weekly basis. Being a body activist and a feminist, I’m aware that I’m perhaps more sensitive towards these kind of things, but nonetheless it’s safe to say that there are a LOT of (fit) people who think fat people are disgusting and are not afraid to voice that opinion. Proudly. Another thing that tends to happen a lot when you’re fat: people assume you’re lazy and unhealthy and spend your days eating junkfood on the couch. Trust me, as someone who has experienced bullying in the gym firsthand, the judgement and shaming gets pretty frustrating and demotivational pretty quickly.

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yeah, this is posted on a fitness motivational page. Lovely.

There is one general exception to this rule: if you’re a fat person at the gym who is there to lose weight. Which brings me to my second point: I don’t workout because I want to lose weight.

I like my body and I like my size, and if weightloss would be a natural result of what I do then so be it, but it’s not the goal of why I work out. I just like to get stronger, faster, more flexible and more stable. I do it because I enjoy it and because it feels good. Basically, I work out because I love my body, not because I hate it… and that is something that a lot of people don’t seem to understand (because if you’re fat, how could you POSSIBLY not centre everything in your life around weightloss?)

Thirdly, working out requires a certain amount of body awareness. You’re wearing something that doesn’t make you feel very attractive, and moving your weight around causes all sorts of jiggle that can make you feel extremely conscious of your body (for instance, even though I’m generally happy with my body, I can NOT run in short shorts, because the jiggle of my upper legs and the chubrub would drive me to the verge of insanity. This is why I Always wear long leggings, even if it’s a billion degrees.). Chances are also there will be a lot of mirrors and even if you avoid looking at yourself as much as possible, you WILL occasionally see yourself mid-workout and it will probably not look very charming. For girls who are not (yet) very comfortable with themselves, this can be so confrontational that they might want to avoid the whole experience altogether.

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total babe at the gym. ahem.

On top of that, exercising as a bigger girl can have its physical limitations (especially if you’re new to it). There are ways to get around that and I’ll discuss this in a different post, but just keep in mind that it’s hard walking into a place with no idea what to do or knowing that you’ll be the worst one of the class.

Last but not least: a lot of people will respond to do this by saying “well haters gonna hate, just let them talk and you do your thing!”. That is certainly one way of approaching this, but this isn’t just about me anymore. Ignoring the haters and just doing my thing isn’t going to change anything at the core, and that is where things should change. It’s not just about me ignoring them: it’s about them learning that it’s not okay to be this disrespectful towards people. It’s not just about me having the right to feel comfortable with my own body, it’s for all women to feel comfortable and safe in theirs. That’s the ultimate goal here.

Do I think it’s still worth going to the gym? Absolutely. Not everyone is like this, and working out is awesome, and it’s something I enjoy doing so I don’t intend to stop anytime soon…but it’s definitely not always easy. I really hope that one day we can evolve into a society where there is respect and understanding for all people, from all walks of life. Let’s lift eachother up instead of tearing eachother down!

 

How about you, what are your experiences with working out? I’d love to know!