personal stuff – randomness

Travel anxiety

I’m flying to Berlin tomorrow, to do a shoot there. I’ll stay in a hotel overnight and I fly back the next day. I’m superhappy and superexcited, but I’m also having a tiny (okay, maybe not so tiny) panic attack.
I know, I’m 25, and an adult, and Berlin is just around the corner if you look at it on a globe and why am I making such a big deal out of this… but fact remains that I’m scared. What if something goes wrong? What if the plane disappears (it happens! you know it does!), or if I forget something really important (like my hotel booking)? What if I get lost? What if I’m late? What if I do a horrible job and everyone hates me and germany hates me? 
I barely speak german, and I’ve been trying to figure out the berlin subway system for like an hour now, but all the stations sound alike (schteinuberganzbahnhof or whatever). 

so… ehm…

I know this sounds like I’m a dramaqueen (and slightly crazy), but this is seriously what’s going on in my mind right now. Perhaps it’s time for some Xanax. Or possibly elektroshock therapy. Or a hug, whatever is available. 
But writing this down actually gives me some courage. I’m a big girl. I should put my big girl panties on. And I’m a model, for crying out loud. Everyone knows models have a 6th sense for finding their way around unfamiliar cities (well, according to Tyra Banks). I’m a model on a mission. And it’s going to be awesome and I’ll be awesome and everything will be fine.
But still… could you all just, light a candle or something? Maybe cross a finger or 2, that everything goes well? Pretty please?

I always joke about being a giant… but I have a tiny heart.


Styling and photoshoots; what size diversity means to me

Size diversity. It’s kind of a really important issue to me. Being a plussize model, and being on the bigger end of (agency-standard) plussize (I’m a size 16), size diversity is something I’m passionated about. Regardless of the fact that I myself am an inbetweenie, and will always be pro-inbetweenie, I think all sizes can be awesome, and that beauty and inspiration can come in any size.

 
Here’s what size diversity means to me:
  • Beauty and inspiration comes in a variety of sizes. I don’t limit my view of beauty to a certain size. That goes both ways: even though I’m bigger myself, I find lots of slim women absolutely gorgeous and inspirational. I’m highly allergic to all that “only a dog would want a bone” crap. If you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful… whether that’s in a size 2 or in a size 22.
  • Specifically for plus, that means that I’m also not “afraid” of bigger sizes. More and more you see that smaller sizes are becoming acceptable and popular in plus, and I think that’s great. The more the merrier. I do however think it would be a pity if we just got smaller altogether, and the bigger sizes would disappear. Don’t show me a bunch of models in a size 10 and call it diversity. I want to see 2, 8, 16,… all together, and all awesome!
  • As an aspiring stylist, it’s really really REALLY important to me that I approach plus size the same way I would approach straightsizes. Of course, different sizes require different little tips and tricks, but other than that it’s the same to me. As a model, I’ve worked with several stylist who had amazing fashionwork of straightsize models in their portfolio, but when they worked with me somehow couldn’t do better than white leggings and baggy tunics. Please, just no. I want to show the same level of awesomeness and the same approach, regardless of the size of the model. I won’t lie: the bigger the size, the slightly more of a challenge it becomes. But I’m so up for that challenge!
wonderful message from Carmakoma :)